Tear Stained Ground: Memory Making with Kids.

“No matter how heavy the memories fall upon my heart, Lord, help me to tell them with heart. ”

— T. Ralston

When you are amidst COVID19 and restrictions of togetherness separate the typical ways that you would grieve with a large family funeral gathered then you search for your ways to extend remembrance that connects you across the way.

Yesterday I posted about my presence via Facetime for my grandpa’s funeral with my family states away. I will be honest and voice that it was difficult but I chose my peace to accept it and make it as memorable and connecting across the way. I knew that in order to receive the emotional asking of it all that I needed a secluded, quiet place and we decided that it would only be me to log into the funeral so it was not distracting for them who were there.

I took images and captured moments that I knew I would be walking through with my children the next day for our own moment to process the burial and funeral. I shared these in the blog : “tear stained ground: a covid19 funeral.”

Today we used our writing prompt journal time to pour out some of our favorite memories of our pawpaw together. We spoke them out with detail and then used a memory making tree to plant them in our hearts and have a visual of our own kids “graveside service” in honor of his life.

Grief always has room for remembrance spoken of memories shared between loved ones and even when it is difficult to accept not having more physical memories to create, the ones invested will carry on for a lifetime.

Comfort of Memory sharing together.

With a pen and paper in hand we spoke of our memories shared throughout the years together and wrote them down to hang on a tree branch handpicked by the kids.

Honoring the life we have lived with Pawpaw thru written and spoken word.

A flower pot that was my dear grandmother’s who passed away last year embraced a tree full of my grandpa’s treasured memories planted by my tribe in our own “graveside ceremony together.”

Invested in love.

Tear stained ground: A covid19 Gravesite connection..

No matter how heavy the memories fall upon my heart, Lord, help me to tell them with heart.

Today I attended my beloved grandpa’s, “my pawpaw”, graveside/funeral service via Facetime and to do it in this way felt unnatural, but to be honest I chose my peace with it today. I mean COVID19 seriously is pulling out the stops amidst this crazy chapter, yet through the moments of separation a love is threaded despite what is taken away and surrendering to the acceptance of it is an everyday task. Being a person who is writing this on tear stained ground, I will first of all voice to any of you grieving in this way that I know it is not the same as being there and I know that your pain runs layers deeper than it should facing it in this manner, yet I also know the power of a resilient heart and applying strength of coping mechanisms to grief’s hand and that is what I wanted to share with you today. Grief has no timeline and it continues onward as we travel the days ahead without our loved one physically present and for how we enter the different stages within it has its place to simply feel all the feels.

With mask securely in place, I entered Kroger’s flower section with a trembling heart and with a tear glazed view, I received the kindness of a white balloon and white lilies and knew that this would connect me to my graveside moment best way I knew how. Throughout this Covid quarantine these phrases have encircled my spirit and in the now I know they have been preparing me all along:

“Grace is here. Hope is here for the taking. Know your roots and stand by them in strength.”

I receive peace when I am anywhere settled by water, so to log into facetime connection I found secluded lakeside spot- even saw a cop who confirmed my position was approved!- and I used my strongest coping mechanism of sentiments shared and I prayed:

Lord, today is not the way I would intend it to be nor is it allowing a surrounding around me in the way that I would choose to grieve- no hugs on a funeral day just seems unreal. I know that the thoughts of being robbed of this moment have the power to own me and to dictate my every move, yet I know that strength lies rooted in me to rise up in this and receive grace and hope for the taking as I find my way to personally grieve. Receive these lilies and this balloon in honor of my pawpaw and in your cloud of witnesses surround this moment with peace for you rise beauty from ashes and in this moment that’s where I will stand. Amen.

We all need different connections when we grieve but amidst COVID19 I knew that in order to accept the reality that I was not standing in physical presence with my family that I had to create the space of memory released with intention.

Balloon: released during gravesite facetime in honor of my pawpaw’s life and the way he loved us all the way into heaven.

Lilies: Laid down on the roots of a favorite tree waterside to represent the family roots shared and the beauty that rises from tear stained ground.

“For there is hope for a tree, when it is cut down, that it will sprout again, and its shoots will not fail. Though its roots grow old in the ground and its stump dies in the dry soil, at the scent of water it will flourish and put forth springs like a plant.” Job 14: 7-9

We may be secluded and apart from social distance, yet we are not alone and we have moments of legacy filling the gaps. Taking time to honor those moments brings healing.

My last moment with my pawpaw was when kids and I took him “facetime fishing” and the memories of that moment was full of laughter and a shared connection that I will treasure always. I hoped for a special connector today during my time of funeral presence lakeside/facetime and right after I released balloon into the sky I turn around to see a fisherman with his pole laid at rest beside flowers I used during graveside. It was as if my pawpaw left it just for me to say, “ I love you too.” Legacy moments are within us and I will forever hold that fishing pole “goodbye” as a tender way of being seen in this hard.

Threaded in love.

Less than 10 people allowed at a graveside moment and not in a way of gathering with loved ones that we have lived our lives experiencing and it is difficult to bear. I understand the anger residing in abiding by Covid19 restrictions as it keeps one from important moments, yet I also realize that in this time choosing my peace is using different ways to thread love between others despite those spaces. I also see that in this space a protection for other lives amidst this pandemic is the reason why I along with others do not stand in the typical way and this is power of strength to withstand this road. I pray that you do not have to endure this type of funeral presence nor be shifted in the way you sit bedside with your loved ones, yet it rises up in my spirit the grief that we are all facing with losing normalcy and life allowances and I see your struggles and I am with you.

For all that is grieving with you and for all the pain that you are enduring in this chapter, I left these for you. May you receive them with peace and with love that you are seen and heard in your plight and that you are not alone.

Homebound Covid-19...

I know that finding the rhythm of these uncertain times is a day by day pace. I see you all pressing into this chapter with grit and with grace and we will make it through this together.

Within these uncertain times I have found support in some information shared and also received discernment to lay certain things down because it does not fit our home’s fight for peace. Each of us are leaning into this homebound chapter with big questions, yet a stilling need to respond for what works for us. In an attempt to not overwhelm you with MORE information for you to dissect through, but rather, may these tips be a walk through of grace filled moments for you to develop your own kind of dance in this space of time.

The Ralston tribe have intentionally been investing in public school and like many of you I am also a business owner “momprenuer” as some like to call it. To in no moments warning be stripped of the spaces to work within mental readiness to be met with an online modular learning it has been imperative that I do not allow my thinking to process too far in advance. We have all been shifted into the uncharted territory and within this space especially, GRACE abounds for the many roles to play its part.

We are NOT trying to step into this space of time with a HOMESCHOOL do it studiously well mentally. Maintaining the peace of our home is our highest priority and stepping into the unknown corners of social distancing and separation from normalcy is a challenge the whole nation is facing together. Talk about a season of identifying priorities and focusing on things that bring life.

Here is a list of tips that have given us our Covid-19 rhythm as we step into working from home, homeschooling, maintaining social distance, and keeping the peace.

Ralston TRIBE and each of you taking on the role of warrior in this…

Create your schedule of rhythm with your children. You do not have to re-create the amazing classroom environment your student was part of with their teacher. Sit down with your children and create a list of what they can contribute to in the schedule for the day for what meets your family best. If a silly greeting song, when it is only 4 or so of you leads their spirits in comfort then “hello Mama greeting” is where we show up.

Give your new home learning environment a name. When community is stripped and normalcy is shaken, creating a semblance of connection is healing for trauma. My children value calling our Ralston school, “DIRTY SOCKS ACADEMY: where it is more fun that it sounds.” We bring socks to our morning meeting together and use them for greetings and other parts of the day together.

A huge part of “Dirty Socks Academy” is maintaining opportunities to learn empathy and invest in places that keep us looking outward to the world around us. When I asked my daughter, “what has helped you keep the peace this week with all the many changes happening?” Her reply was tenderly voiced, “investing in time with you showing care for other people together.”

This is an opportunity, unlike any other time we travel, where there is a HIGH need to tap into our thoughtfulness and check on others. We have a blessed space to teach our children ways to share strength and encouragement with others and part of our day is to write cards, writing prompts in our journals and be a presence even amidst this physical separation with loved ones. This helps us to not only focus on the hard of our separation but also care about the plights of others as well.

Find a place in your home that gives you peace and do something that you enjoy. These were my oldest son’s words when asked what has helped him this week. Part of our new days is FULL of investing in talents and abilities with a nurturance and care. This involves logging into the amazing Mo Williams lunch doodles , McHarper Manor, and other online drawing tutorials, craft stations, and photography moments for Mom. We each designate a place in the home and have a timer set to focus on an activity that promotes peace for us. It has been a huge source of strength for us this week and the confidence to share those outcomes with one another has been a great conversation starter.

There are some disciplines to follow and to implement where others can be laid down for comfort amidst all the changes and uncertainties. My youngest loves his family time and part of kindergarten has been a stepping into his independence in different ways so that is a challenge of this new forced position. When asked about what has kept his peace this week, he voiced, “ helping you with lunches and being able to hug you anytime that I want to.” We intentionally this week gave the option of Pajama homeschool and it has been a source of comfort for them I am released to not need as a discipline for us right now. Others may see a different choice of changing clothes and getting more ready for the day but for us it has been a laid down discipline that has ushered readiness for this time to take it slow and have the choice.

Find the helpers in this and encourage them in these changes. Part of our days is supporting this new homebound work space and giving grace to the changes that impact many in this stance.

Business owners and those fighting for job security, I see you making those difficult calls and bearing the weight of the “what ifs and the “what is” and wading through these waters with stride and with grace. I know you are shifting your typical work environment and investing in the trenches of your home or on the front lines of difficult moments and the 6 ft. distancing how to. Your presence of calm amidst the storm is appreciated more than can be articulated and ushers a great value of comforting presence. As you lament places that are lost may the reward of your hard work continuing on RISE up to meet you as difficult days find their rhythm amidst the unknowns. For the trenches you stand in that may seem sinking may you find your strength as you warrior on.

My children like to call it recess time because I think the semblance of that routine in school gives them peace, but invest in body movement daily! We have logged into what people are doing well and Cosmic Yoga kids has been an incredible indoor source of movement- also our dance off competitions on nintendo switch, Just Dance, have been part of our exercise.

I value the words, “do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do- John Wooden” and in this stance it is imperative to rain or shine, GET OUTSIDE> rain boots, umbrellas, sunshine make movement of breathing outside safely around you a priority. It ushers in calm in more ways than can be articulated.

Utilize the gift of social connection via technology and integrate in your days moments to make that happen. Yes, we have all been thrown into this “homeschool” environment but many of us are not trying to stay there in that space, so for us we are tapping into the modular online learning our incredible education system is creating and we will be following their lead on this. This takes off the pressure for us to create all of these learning spaces of core math, etc. and follow the lead of others who have the resources to provide this template. We will follow their curriculum. Rest in the places you can show up well in creative outlets and maintain your peace.

If you have internet access, setting up ZOOM/Google chats/Face time with loved ones will give LIVE action of connection and will usher in community right within your walls.

“This uncharted territory may be leading us down a spiraling path of uncertainties, yet it is landing us in shared conversations, within the home and nationwide, where fears are faced and peace to keep pressing on is received as we choose to RISE UP together. ”

I know that we are all ready to CHANGE this social distancing and get out of this pandemic craziness, but in this time of homebound investment may we RISE Up stronger together.

I’d love if you shared any tips and places that have helped your family #keepthepeace in your home.

"He's in the waiting..."

I can not articulate enough how these words, "He's in the Waiting," echo upon my pages with often shouts of exclamation! As an entrepreneur, the word "waiting" seems to become you. 

Waiting for a dream to become a reality. 

Waiting for an open door to welcome you in. 

Waiting on the harvest from the planting. 

Waiting for others to catch your vision. 

Yet, in the waiting something anchors you. There is some force that keeps you to the work and propels you to find your grit and pursue steadfastness. My anchor holds and He is worthy of my trust. 

I loved this "Engage your Passion" session with Hosanna Revival: Celebrating the way He has opened a door for their dream held in the waiting and has turned it into a purposed reality.